Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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