I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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