Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
