accomplished twins. life is a go
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
