I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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