you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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