I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
