I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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