THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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