I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
