just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
