Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
