"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
