Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
