You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
