God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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