I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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