What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize