Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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