the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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