they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
