I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
