He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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