I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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