new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
