Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
