I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
