Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
