I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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