It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
