im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize