I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
