Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
