i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Someone shit on the floor
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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