At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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