apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
