hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
