Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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