Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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