Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm at about main and main street
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize