i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize