I'm going to jail i love you
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
