I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
