i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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