Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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