lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Apparently you make a good broom.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
