The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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