I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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