just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
