I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Randomize
