Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
