The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
