11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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