Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Randomize
