After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
