There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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