Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
