I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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