You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
