he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
