I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
