Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
