Heybabeimwearingurpanties
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
