I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
