Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
