You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
