Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
