Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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